After thinking back to a conflict I have had recently I
decided to focus on one from my personal life – between my brother and I. There was a comment made to my sister in law as we were all leaving a family birthday party - instead of confronting the situation right then she had my brother text message us an hour or so later. Text messaging is the worst way, in my opinion, to discuss a situation where feelings were hurt.
The strategies I learned this week that could have helped me in this situation are:
1. The Third Side has been an important tool so far in this class and my life. In this particular conflict situation I could have listened from the Third Side. I did not learn or listen to all of the perspectives (sister in law and brother). I become annoyed and defensive because the wording my brother used became an attack on my husband.
2. I am going to start focusing my communication skills around the NVC model. I feel that I am a compassionate communicator with individuals outside of my family structure but tend to be a little more blunt with my family members. This approach could have helped with my conflict because I could have addressed his text message and her concern with more compassion and from the heart.
There have been multiple instances where my brother and sister in law have verbally attacked all members of my family, which makes it difficult to want to communicate with them in a compassionate manner. But as we all know, two wrongs don't make a right.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteIt is great that you want to focus your communication skills around the NVC model. It is so important to learn how to communicate and let go any differences you may have with someone. Being able to talk it over and learn how to prevent conflict from emerging in the first place to address latent tensions to resolve overt conflicts and contain any escalating power struggles is the first step in affective communication.
I agree that communication through text, especially when communicating a message regarding a disagreement or perceived insult, is an ineffective way to communicate. Having an understanding of a person's communication style may help make sense of why they chose this particular option to deliver a message. Even though it's frustrating, taking time to understand this may be evidence that the person may be uncomfortable with conflict can aid in constructing a response that encourages conversation and helps create the possibility of coming to a resolution.
ReplyDeleteHi Chrissy: I totally agree with you that texting is not the best way to resolve conflict. There is no feeling or emotions involved and you may take it as an insult. My husband is a pastor and he ha schedule someone to preach for him on 6/4/2016 and at 11:pm Saturday night he received a text from the young mans father stating he would not be present get someone else. He offer no reason for not being there ,not I'm sorry nothing. He created a conflict between he and the pastor,their relationship and the church. Who can you call at midnight to do a Sunday morning message and not created conflict. The congregation was upset because it was the pastor anniversary. and last but not least the pastor had call him for 3 day and he never returned his call.
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